Failure is not just acceptable, it's often essential.

I feel like I have failed!  But, as Randy Pausch would say, "Failure is not just acceptable, it's often essential."

• Almost umpteen years old and I don't even have a bachelors degree - in anything!!!
• Had a plan to graduate this May with a bachelors degree...not happening anymore.
• I rent a very tiny basement apartment - so I don't own!
• As of this very moment I am the poorest I have ever been in my umpteen years!!!
• Somehow I have two jobs (yes I got me a second job), possibly a third job coming up, yet all three put together don't even equal a full time work schedule???
• Lastly, I feel completely embarrassed to face just about anyone because I have nothing but sad/bad news to bare.  BASICALLY I SHOULD NOT BE IN THE PLACE THAT I AM!!!

So it is where I am today.  I sat around and boo hooed for two days straight when I got pulled from student teaching.  What good does that do me or anyone else?  First I even wondered why on earth they would have me START student teaching when we didn't even know my results of the Praxis test.  So, I started teaching.  Next thing I know - I'm done student teaching.  If I want to student teach again, and even graduate, then I wait until August, which puts off graduation until next May.  Before any of that takes place I need to retake this lovely Praxis exam.  Eighty dollars later I signed up to retake this lovely test on March 10, 2012.  I'm not going to stress, or dwell on this test.  I have several times I can retake it before August, so I'm just going to kick back and live my life.  If I am supposed to student teach it will happen.  If I am not then I will go to plan B.  Whatever plan B is?  

I ask myself, what is another failed attempt at school?  How long did I keep taking chemistry before I finally passed?  Don't answer that...it was way to many times!!!  But, I passed.  I eventually passed, and I will eventually pass the Praxis exam.  Until that time I am making use of my time here in Cedar City.  Time has been spent looking for a job, and I was blessed with a little cleaning job that will help supplement me until my summer job starts up on Grounds, yet again - thank goodness.  Life isn't going exactly how I had planned, but does it ever go as planned for anyone? 

I will take this failure and embrace it.  (I have no other choice.)  As I have just finished reading an encouraging book, "The Last Lecture," by the late Randy Pausch.  Reading this book gave me much assurance that things will work out.  Randy was an influential man during his time of teaching at a prestigious university, and reading his words makes me feel less selfish, and much less "woe is me."  For those who don't know who Randy Pausch was, he was a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University who gave a famous "Last Lecture" before he died of cancer.  This book could not have been a better book for me to pick up and read at this time in my life.  I soaked up every word of his book and kept a red pencil nearby so I could highlight many of his inspiring words.

• We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.
• Never make a decision until you have to.
• Tenacity is a virtue, but it's not always crucial for everyone to observe how hard you work at something.
• The brick walls are there for a reason.  They're not there to keep us out.  The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show us how badly we want something.
• No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.  At the same time, it is often within your power to make them better.
• Too many people go through life complaining about their problems.  I've always believed that if you took one-tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you'd be surprised by how well things can work out.
• I've found that a substantial fraction of many people's days is spent worrying about what others think of them.  If nobody ever worried about what was in other people's heads, we'd all be 33 percent more effective in our lives and on our jobs.

And lastly, 

• Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

I continue forward.  Life doesn't always go the way I had planned, but it's how I deal with those "out of plan" obstacles that will shape and mold me.  Yes I can sit around and cry about how I didn't pass my test, but crying over that test will not do any good for me.  I will get off my butt, and just move forward.  That's all I can do for now, and as I'm going forward I'll enjoy the experience, even though it's not what I wanted.

{Just incase I have to turn to plan B - I'm moving to Michigan.  I'm in love, and he is a weatherman with cute glasses!!!  And I'M NOT SEEING A WEDDING RING...........}

So...I "Deactivated" Facebook, Yet I Joined Pinterest

Remember how I deactivated Facebook a few months ago.  I say deactivated BECAUSE THEY WON'T LET ME JUST BE DONE WITH IT!!!  It will always be there for me, gee thanks Facebook, bless your heart.  So, even though I deactivated Facebook I have sadly found another website to suck all my time, Pinterest.

This lovely time sucking website makes you have to get invited to join, and way back in the month of May at my glorious book club we got talking about Pinterest.  I decided to come home and check it out.  I mean really, everyone was doing it.  As I perused the website I noticed this was a website that would really take my time.  Because I had some self control, back then, I was determined to stay off.  Obviously that didn't last long.  I kept being pestered by people to join, and I kept telling them I wouldn't because I have an addictive personality (maybe, I don't want to have an addictive personality though...) and I would spend every waking moment on this sight.

So it has become my life.  Why not?  I mean seriously, as most of you know, my life pretty much sucks right now, so why don't I just waste my time looking and dreaming about stuff I will some day make/do because I have saved it all on Pinterest???  Makes sense to me.  Okay, so I am not on there 24/7, but because the job market here in Cedar City is the pits, and going place to place is a waste of gas and time, and everyone tells me that to find a job now days, it's all "apply online."  Well, I am applying online, but when I need a break from this stupid job search I turn to Pinterest to ease my mind.

I'm not sure if I'll ever reactivate my Facebook, (for the record I had to activate it to join Pinterest, but I quickly deactivated once I joined) but until that day comes I have found a better use of my time.  And that use of time is perusing Pinterest for hours at a time.

Are you on Pinterest?  You are, how lovely.  I hope that you are "following" me.  Please take a moment to find me and follow my wishful thinking.

{fyi:  i got pulled from student teaching because that stupid praxis test i had to retake ended up landing me an even worse score then the first time!!!  this also means no graduating from college this spring, and i am also trying to find a job so i can just stay here and not move in with mommy & daddio - cause that can't be good...Dearest Lord, what are you trying to teach me...i'm about to break, and i'm pretty sure it's not going to be pretty when i do.}