I Not Late

I always seem to be running late!  I am most likely going to be late for my own funeral.  I hope that as I am floating around on the other side I can some how pop the tire of the Hurst driving my casket to the funeral.  Why would I want to do this?  Because I WANT to be late to my own funeral.  As everyone is (sadly - I hope) mourning my loss I will suddenly bust up laughing (just in spirit - my body will be lying there dead and will not be able to laugh). Let me remind you why this is so funny...because, lo and behold, I will have made it possible to be late to my own funeral!!!  Check that off my "to do list!"

Enough of my childish behavior...  Let me begin by sharing a few stories of my tardiness with you, the reader, so that you can have a better understanding to my calm, cool, and collected attitude I have towards being on time to things.

Example 1

Several years ago I was on a Hawaiian cruise.  Each day of the tropical cruise, the ship would stop at the different islands of Hawaii.  One day we were at Oahu, one day at The Big Island, one day at Maui, and one day at Kauai.  Each day we would depart from the boat with a time given that we would need to be back on the boat by.  On this particular day we were docked at the beautiful island of Kauai.  As soon as we departed the boat we took a taxi to the nearest car rental, and rented a car so that we could see as much of the island as time allowed.  We saw a lot on this particular day.  We went to the "Grand Canyon" of Hawaii (also known as Waimea Canyon), saw a very rare blow hole (Halona Blowhole), and then with the time remaining we went swimming in the warm turquoise waters of Hawaii.  After some time swimming we decided it was about time to head back to our ship.  But, before heading back we had to have an authentic Hawaiian snow cone.  With the popularity of snow cones in Hawaii it seemed very fitting to end our day with an ice cream on the bottom-shaved ice-tropical flavors-sweet and condensed milk-whipped cream snow cone.  As we were enjoying our cone, we were kicked back relaxing "Hawaiian style."  That means we took our sweet time because nobody ever hurries in Hawaii.  Suddenly we noticed that it was almost time to return to our cruise ship.  None of us seemed to be in much of a hurry, so again we took our sweet time.  We of course, were thinking we had more then enough time.  Finishing our snow cones we finally made our way back to the car rental, got a taxi back to the ship, and continued slowly to the cruise ship.  Just in the nick of time we happen to arrive just as they were pulling the planks from the platform.  HOLY COW!  WE ALMOST MISSED THE SHIP!!!  If you can imagine myself and three other girls, in flip flops, sarongs, and heavy bags we took off running like a scary clown with a bloody knife was right on our heels.  With moments to spare we jumped the plank and hopped on to the cruise ship.  In the end, we were greeted with many laughing passengers up above on their balconies clapping and yelling for our safe arrival.  Needless to say, I was grateful we made it on time.  Even a few months after this incident of almost missing our cruise ship I was surprisingly on time.

However, being on time did not last long....

Example 2

Many spring breaks ago my sister, my friend Holly, and I decided to go to the most magical place in the world, Disney World.  Upon arriving it was very touch and go.  As we were leaving St. George on a late night to catch our red eye flight to Florida I received a phone call from Delta letting us know our flight had been delayed.  Well a delay to me means, we have time to party it up before arriving at the airport.  I suggested we eat at the Cheesecake Factory.  Everyone happened to agree, so we went and ate some good food before boarding the plane.  (Some people get drunk in Vegas - not I; I go there to eat! And to eat well!)  After our very late dinner we decided we would head on over to the airport.  As our late night carried on we had lost track of time, and realized we should've been at the airport sooner.  With a very small window of time we parked our car (which happened to be in the most EXPENSIVE parking area - don't even ask how much we ended up paying at the end of our trip) and took off running for the ticket counter.  As we checked in we knew we were pushing our luck in making the flight.  We checked our bags, and I suddenly had a very strange feeling that I probably would not see our luggage anytime soon.  (Sure enough our luggage did not make the trip until our 3rd day in Florida.)  As soon as the luggage was checked we took off running through the McCarran Airport in hopes we could make our flight.  Since Vegas happens to be a city filled with luck we just happened to be lucky enough that night to make our red eye flight to Florida with only a few minutes to spare.  I don't remember much of that experience, but for some reason I can still remember the few lonely late night fliers wandering the corridors of the airport giving me, my sister, and my friend Holly some of the most biazzar looks.  If the tables were turned I probably would be giving the same looks.

Word to the wise.... always be a few hours early to the airport.

Example 3

A few weeks ago my friend Kyle called me up one evening inviting me to the Broadway play, Wicked.  He was going up to Salt Lake City to see it and had asked, myself, and my two other friends, Erin and Lisa.  Out of our little group of friends Kyle and I were the only two who had not seen this play.  Erin and Lisa had seen it previously, but were still delighted to go see it a second time.  The plan was to leave Saturday morning and arrive early enough in the afternoon to go shopping, eat, freshen up for the play, and then spend the evening getting cultured at the theater.  Lisa had a previous engagement Saturday morning, but as soon as it was over she would head up to SLC and meet up with us.  Our ringleader, Kyle, had given Erin and I the very specific instructions to meet at his house at 10:41am.  (Random time, I know?  However, studies have shown that when you schedule odd times people are more likely to BE on time.  Don't I just sound so smart?  That's what Kyle told me, so if you don't believe me you can take it up with him.)  Well there it was, 10:41am and guess who was right on time...ME!  Shocking!!!  (Another side note - Kyle threatened/scared me about being late...)  So, we loaded up his car and were on the road by about 10:50am.  Not bad, not bad at all considering the play starts at 8:00pm.  Or does it?  As the three of us are driving north on the I15 corridor we pass through the small town of Fillmore, Utah.  Time given at this town was a little after 12:00pm.  As we are passing through this town we get a phone call from Lisa letting us know she is leaving, and on her way.  She would be only about two hours behind us.  After the phone call we start talking about the play, when one of us asked what time the play really starts.  Kyle pulls the tickets from a compartment in his car (where they had been sitting the last couple of months) and we take a gander at the tickets.  Soon Erin notices that the tickets read 2:00pm.  No!  This can't be so!  Kyle is shocked - he was told the play was at 8:00pm!  (I guess it pays to look at the tickets rather than take someones word...)

Long story (kind of) short!  Kyle calls Lisa and tells her the play is at 2:00pm - NO JOKE!  Lisa knows there is no chance of making the play, so she turns around and heads home.  Kyle and I try calling the ticket office to see if there is anyway we are mistaken.  No luck getting through.  Kyle calls a few friends in SLC, and finds one who is willing to come to the play with an hours notice and will meet us at the theater.  Me, Libby, needs to use the bathroom around Nephi, Utah but knows there is NO CHANCE!  This girl really had to hold it! As we are just past the point of the mountain (a term used on I15 to indicate leaving Provo/Orem area and entering the SLC valley) the gas light on the car flips on.  Panic kicks in a little strong for Erin and Kyle.  Then there is me, well if you haven't noticed running late does not phase me one bit.  I just kept reassuring everyone that we were going to make it, and being a few minutes late was just fine.  To add to the tension building car drive I look down to see my comfortable traveling attire - a pair of Chaco sandals, Capri jeans, and a T-shirt that reads, "I not late - I run on Hawaiian time."  (I was planning on changing into a very dressy outfit, but that obviously was not going to happen today.)  At this point of gaslight turning on, having to hold my blatter, and the play already starting, I say to my sweet friends, "We are going to make the play, yeah we're late, but just think of what a funny story this will make.  And by the way, did either one of you notice the shirt I just happened to be wearing today?"

We arrive at Capitol Theater; Kyle drops the two of us off as we run into the theater.  I hit the bathroom (which happened to be closed for cleaning, of course); Kyle parks the car, and we all meet up to be let in the door just after the first number had finished.  Wicked was amazing!  I think I might have already mentioned that in a previous post.  And, I cried three times! Not only because we made it to the play, but also the story just tugged at my heartstrings!

Lesson learned, always check your ticket time a few days before.