Friday, July 8, 2011

I Could've Found Love on The River...Possibly 4 Times???

To all my fans:  Sorry for the delay in blogging.  That stupid class I despise so much, CHEMISTRY, is taking all my stinking summer time, so I never get to blog.  And, I never get to watch Netflix.  Oh life stinks!  On a happy note, me and chemistry are doing well and this is going to be the last you will ever hear about my chemistry class because I am passing the class with flying colors!!!  Dearest fans, thank you for being patient.  Now sit back and enjoy the rest of the show.

I just did another totally awesome river trip down Deso Canyon (Desolation Canyon, Green River, in Utah).

I have decided in my search for a man - (which is becoming quite the search) this man I marry needs to be a true blue "river rat."  What is a "river rat?"  Found on this website, I think this dude explains it the best, on his definition of what a "river rat" is:   "What’s a river rat? 'River rat' is a moniker that some river paddlers have given themselves. It is a term of affection and best describes the sometimes grubby, relaxed and always fun nature of paddling on moving water. In most paddling circles, being identified as a river rat is like a badge of honor. The term river rat also describes the anonymous and down to earth nature of the paddling clan. You can be a high powered executive, blue collar worker or a struggling college student, but once on the water, pretenses are left behind and magically we are transformed into fun-loving, happy-go-lucky river rats!"

Why do I need a "river rat" because I have become one.  First order of business in the search for a man - when I find this type of man ("river rat") he can only see me transformed into a "river rat" after he has popped the question, or we are legally and loftily wedded.  Why do I say this...because when I am on the river all my dainty women stuff and acting that I portray (at times) gets thrown down the river.  I then get transformed into a smelly, grungy, hair like Medusa, along with hairy armpits, and just a plain wet mess.  A wet mess in a good way.  I wear the same clothes for days on end (but change the underwear cause that I can't handle), use the bathroom behind a bush and on a groover (army can with a toilet seat stuck on top), or I use the bathroom in my pants in the river - seriously I'm admitting this - it's how you roll on the river yo's!  I also pack down food like it's the last meal I'm eat'n, and lastly, when I happen upon a handsome "river rat" out on the river/campsite I forget about all that stuff I just mentioned and try to get my flirt on.  I mean really, who am I kidding, finding a man for me is truly going to be a lost cause when I'm sporting this "river rat" look!
How can I be looking this hot and be passed up by another River Rat???
This is why I normally wear makeup...
With all that said I had 4 possible opportunities on the river to find true love.  However, I obviously didn't know how to work it.

Possibility one.  Our first night of arriving at our launching point, of Sand Wash, we arrive to an over flooded beach, with stagnate water, and mosquitoes eating us alive.  We unload the equipment and begin setting up the rafts.  Within minutes of unloading, this tall, dark, and handsome ranger (who I guessed was probably 28) arrives to welcome us, and check us in for our departure the following morning.  I find myself glued to this young man.  Wow - he's a catch, I think.  So, after staring for some time I decide to get myself closer and try to talk to him like I am a veteran "river rat."  I do okay in faking it, but I soon get nervous and end the conversation.  I get back to unloading when the young, rugged, yet handsome ranger comes back again.  I later find out that he made several stops back that evening wanting to try to hook it up with me.  Nah - that's just what my Uncle's friend Kevin said later on as we were floating down the river.  Why wasn't he giving me pointers in the moment - seriously I could've got this guy's email at least.  I could've exchanged emails then tell information about the river at the end of our float trip.  I would then email him the status of the river.  That email then could've turned into a online romance, or something of the sort...Next time I'll know better?!?!?!

Possibility two.  As we are floating down the river stopping to see all the sights we happen upon a river group taking teenagers down the river.  On one of the scenic hikes to Native American Petroglyph's I scanned the teens when I found me a handsome young guide working the group.  He smiled and my heart skipped a beat.  Gosh, this guy is a cutie living out on the river.  I even think he might have been what they call LDS.  Just because he had that stupid "Returned Missionary" talk to him.  You know the "talk" that these missionaries bring home with them, where they have all these obnoxious pauses - some of you know what I'm saying.  (Side note:  they do not teach you to pause obnoxiously in the MTC!!!!)  I made sure to get some practice in with this dude and chatted it up with him.  Lucky me I saw him again at another hike/sight.  Basically, all "possibility two" was for me, was practice, but there is nothing wrong with practicing my river talk/flirt!

Possibility three.  Oh, possibility number three was interesting.  On our last night of camping at Nefertiti we happened to camp next to a group of people who knew how to have a good time using that stuff called beer and other hard liquor.  As soon as camp was set up I was helping to prepare dinner like I always do.  When three, VERY rugged men come to our camp to greet us, with beverages (sad for them since we are a “dry” camp).  I watched from our kitchen area as the two shirtless and one shirt man are chatting it up with a few of the folk in our camp.  I am completely jealous – I should be talking to them!  I so want to be over there trying to talk “river” with them.  I finish up what I’m doing and pass my cooking assignment over to someone else and make my way over to the epitome of “river rats” and get my river talk on baby!  These dudes were GNARLY!  All from Colorado (which is where I am currently wanting to move), and they were all veteran river runners.  Oh this is just perfect I think.  After about 45 minutes of talking and watching them I send them on their way.  (I was hungry and dinner was ready, and they had a hike they wanted to do.)  That night I laid awake thinking of my future “river rat” and wondering if one of those river dudes were going to sneak over to my tent.  No such luck.  As timing has a way with me, the next morning I had another opportunity to try to get my groove on with these river guides.  However, my Sis came along and stole my chance.  She literally slipped right under me and took a butt grabbing from me.  How RUDE!
My Sister - the future river guide! Don't you think she
would make a good female river guide?
Take a moment to vote - see side bar!
Possibility 4.  Can I just say my Uncle Ron's friend Kevin is a huge prankster and I will never be able to trust him again!  We leave the shore and head for home, four girls packed into a truck with Kevin (my Uncle's friend).  We are about an hour out of Green River when it's time for a potty break - that's what you get when traveling with four girls (me, Stephanie, Sister - Jessie, and Brother's Girlfriend Kali).  We stop at a rest stop and all get out to stretch and walk around.  Kevin let's us ladies take our time.  We finally get in the car when Kevin hands me a piece of paper with a phone number scratched on it.  I say to him, "What is this?"  He say's, "Some guy just asked if I was your Grandpa."  I immediately break out laughing hysterically cause Kevin is only old enough to be my Dad, not Grandpa.  When I get composure of myself I say, "Why did he ask you that?"  He says, "The guy asked if I was the blonde's Grandpa and if I could give you this piece of paper."  I open the piece of paper to find a phone number.  I don't know what to do.  I later on decided to text the number, and to know avail I never get a text back.  Sad, huh?  Let's move forward two weeks later now.  I am on the phone with a Doctors office in St. George.  I call to make an appointment with a dermatologist because I recently feel I may or may not have skin cancer.  I call my dermatologist and talk with the receptionist to make an appointment.  They ask my name, I say, "Liberty Williams" when the voice on the other end say's, "IS THIS LIBBY!"  "Yes," I say confused.  The other end of the line say's, "Libby, this is Janice Kirkham."  (She is a dear neighbor of my Aunt and Uncle, and she knows Kevin very well.)  She ask how the latest river trip was, and then asks me if I got to meet Mr. Kevin Lee.  I said, "HECK YES!"  One thing leads to another and I tell her of my receiving a phone number.  She starts laughing and say's, "Libby, don't you ever believe a word that comes out of Kevin Lee's mouth!"  What!  I know right, so I guess I didn't really get some guy's number - it was made up?  Turns out that Kevin is quite the prankster, and well, as most of you know, I'm just about as gullible as they come!  
The prankster Kevin Lee - how do I end up with these people who end up
getting me and making me believe their antics???
This trip did not produce a man for me, let a lone a RIVER RAT, but I know I always have next summer to try again on the river of LOVE!  He's out there, we just haven't had the chance to be on the right river at the right time.  Wouldn't it be radical if we meet on a river where we flip the raft and he happens to be right there in time just to sweep me up into his arms.  A girl can dream, a girl can dream.

If you would like to read more and see even more pictures about our trip go to my Sister's blog.  I also want to put in a plug for my cousin's totally awesome river rafting blog, Paddle Oar Die Rafting - go check it out!  

4 comments:

Miss Jessie said...

There really are no words for you sometimes. Your blogs are always good for when I need to laugh. I'm curious to know what everyone will say about me becoming a river rat. I want to see lots of votes people!

Anonymous said...

What words..

MinDee said...

sounds like fun libby! you and a river rat now, last blog wasn't it you and a mexi gangster? i wonder what will be next!

Sproatmeal said...

Well, in the movie "Chocolat," Johnny Depp is one of the "river rats." I think you should marry someone like him, but an active Mormon.