Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Mid-Singles Mormon Dance, and Other Nonsense Dilemmas

Please don't laugh at me, but LAUGH WITH ME!

Before reading consider your life, and situation.
1. If you are married, have kids, etc. I know there are days you want to throw in the towel...if you feel like doing that think of me, and being 30 and single. Soon your sorrows will soon disappear.
2. I put myself into this situation ONLY because I was called to be a Singles Representative for my ward. Lord help me, and those in my situation!!!!!!!!!! (I would never wish this calling upon anyone...not even my worst enemy - okay, so maybe my worst enemy...)

A Mid-Singles Mormon Dance

"How do I get myself into these situations," I thought as I walked into the darkened cultural hall of the LDS chapel Friday night. I mean, I came and helped set up the place to make it look like a "Winter Wonderland," so do I really need to be back here, and try to attempt to dance - like a freak!

Bless the Church of Jesus Christ's Heart, but seriously, they have nothing for people like me in their mid (for my sake, "early") 30's to 40's. It's like, hum ho, you're 30 and not married? Well that stinks for you. However, we offer stake wide single activities and they are a knee slapper of a good time, so go - have fun and enjoy.

For the past two weeks I have been putting myself out there to people my age to invite them to this "Winter Wonderland" Mid-Singles Mormon dance. Every one's response has been, "Heck no, are you kidding me!" Or, "I'm busy that night, sorry can't make it." Busy my BUTT! I usually tell them back, "Like I want to go or do this either, but it's my calling and I need to stick it out, and try to fulfill it to the best I am capable of doing." To no avail none of my early 30 year old friends in Cedar City want to support me with coming to the dance. I'm not mad, because if the tables were turned I would probably not go. I will give them some credit, at least they have been supporting me at the Family Home Evenings and Firesides. So, thank you!

Friday afternoon in one of my classes I leaned over to my friend Jaime (who is 34, single mom of a nine year old, and has been married and divorced twice) and whispered to her asking what she is doing this Friday night. She tells me she is taking her daughter half way to Salt Lake so her ex husband can come pick up their daughter. I asked "how long will that take you?" She tells me she would be back to Cedar City around 8:00 pm. I said to her, "that would be perfect!" She is a little confused and I continue to ask her if she would like to attend this Mid-Single (and SAD) Mormon dance. She laughed and said she would be willing to go with me. Oh Jaime, BLESS YOU'RE HEART! (Jaime is a recent convert of a few years, not very active, and never HAD THE CHANCE to do the single scene in the me what you want, but I thought this would be a great opportunity for her.)

9:00 pm rolls around and I look at the clock. Soon 9:00 pm turns into 9:30 pm. The dance has started, and has been going. Do I attend, or do I wait until midnight and show up just to help clean up? My phone rings, Jaime is texting to know if we are still going to this dance. I text her back and apologize for my lateness, and wishy washy attitude. Not really being a good example, I think. I finally decide to leave and the clock is now about a quarter after ten. I arrive at Jaime's house and once again, ask her if she is really up to going to this. We get in the car and I explain to her one more time what she is getting herself into. She tells me she is really okay with attending the dance, and she is coming mainly to support me.

We show up to the church, and enter to the sound of Justin Bieber's "Somebody to Love." We turn the corner towards the darkened culture hall. We enter, and see that almost everyone in attendance is on the dance floor trying to get their groove on. I turn to Jaime and mouth the word, "SORRY!" Still Jaime keeps a good attitude and we make our rounds to the 3 people I know. Because I can't dance and would rather not put everyone in attendance into convulsions, we make our way to the food table. The food definitely made up for everything else. The table was covered with vegetable trays loaded to the brim, chips and salsa, several seven layer bean dips, cookies and candies, and even those fancy little beenie weenies.

Jaime and I made our way to a table with a few people sitting down and asked if we could sit with them. I may not have been comfortable shaking my booty, but it's not hard for me to sit down and start a conversation. So, that is what we did. The table had two women and two men. We asked their names, and they asked ours. We each did the introductions, and small talk. That lasted about five minutes and then it turned awkward. Finally Jaime asked one of the guys at the table what he did for a living. He responds to her, with one of the worst pick up lines I think I have ever heard! "I've been in a few magazines, GQ is one you have probably heard of, and I've been in jail." Was I hearing all of this right? Jaime is one who can joke, and started to throw stuff back at him. Next thing I know he gets up and comes and sits down next to her and throws his arm up on the back of her chair and sits like he is a Bad A**! Then I notice he is drenched in cologne, but at least it was good smelling cologne, and his shirt is half way unbuttoned showing off a part of his chest. I have enough of his "cool dude, I'm the hottest guy here" attitude and see a guy that I know and I begin to chat it up with him.

As I am carried away into a conversation with my acquittance I see Jaime and Mister Cool Dude get up and head towards the dance floor. Jaime makes a gun out of her hand and points it to her head and gives me this look, of "what the hello did you bring me to - I hope you're happy?" The song is over and I am still talking away with my acquittance when I get asked to dance on the next song. I did not want to dance, and definitely not to a slow song. I tried many times to refuse his asking because we had just recently talked about his girlfriend - this can't look good! I finally agree and we go dance. The whole time as we are awkwardly turning in a circle (and I keep eyeing the girlfriend) I tried to act as if we were just in a deep conversation and made sure my hands were moving with me as we talked. Finally the dance was over and I thank him. We finish our conversation and I run back to Jaime to hear all about this guy get'n his groove on with her. I had missed their dancing and she goes on to tell me that he is a real winner - yes, we are all God's children, but still there are some odd ones out there. She clearly was not interested. However, I tell her that come Monday when she is back to work at least she will have an entertaining story to tell. Likewise. My story may be entertaining, or sad, take it however you would like. But, attending a Mid-Singles dance is not something I would want for anyone to have to go through. And yet, I still attended. The dance was coming to a close and I had never been so excited to help clean up after a church function like I had this Friday night. Within 20 minutes the culture hall was put back into it's proper order and Jaime and I were on our way out with not so much of a good bye, or see you later.

Jaime, along with myself had survived our first Mid-Singles Mormon Dance. I asked Jaime if she would ever do this again, and she told me that she would come to the next one just to support me. What could have brought me to tears made me laugh, out loud. Who in their right mind would want to attend another Mid-Singles Mormon Dance. Oh, that would be Jaime and I? Call us crazy, desperate, or sad, but if anything I hope you, the reader, are happy you are married, or if not married, still in that single age where the church has more to offer you.

I will continue to fulfill my calling, but I will be ever so grateful for the day they release me. It's either going to take marriage or moving to get me released. At this point I don't see marriage, and as for moving, I still have another year and half here! I know the Lord has a sense of humor - so I hope he's getting a kick out of watching me!!!

Dilemma 1 - YoU wAnT tO sEt Me uP WiTh a MaRriEd mAn?!?!?!

I have been attending SUU for far to long. However, in my many years at this University I have made some truly great friends. One in particular is an older gentleman named Steve. Steve is a returning/non traditional, Agriculture Student, married, and pushing 50! We met last year in the tutoring center where I spend WAY to much time for chemistry. Right off the bat Steve and I formed a friendship. He loved to tease me, and I gave him the reaction he wanted. We had not seen each other since the end of last semester due to the Christmas holiday. The second week back to school he came into the testing center to take a test. After he was done he sat in my office and chatted with me for over an hour. During our little catch up/chat he asked how my dating life was going. Well, there isn't one. He then goes on to say that one of the guys from last semester (that would frequent the tutoring center) was now a tutor this semester. Okay, where is this going, I think. He then proceeds to tell me that he wants to play match maker and try to set us up. I was really hesitant because part of me thought that he was married. I was torn between my thoughts because I had never seen a ring on his finger. Still, I know that a lot of married men don't wear rings (and it kills me - if you are married then put/keep the blasted ring on your finger for crying out loud!!!!). Steve is adamant about trying to play match maker, so as I like to say, I told Steve that he could try to set us up because "I'M ALWAYS UP FOR A FREE MEAL!!!" A week went by, I had frequented the tutoring center and one night ended up being there with Steve, and the "new tutor," we'll call him "Tutor Guy," who may or may not be married. As the tutoring center was closing up Steve and I walked to our cars together. I decided I better ask Steve the status on his little match making. He then tells me, "So...sorry, but Tutor Guy...yeah, he's married." "WHAT!" I exclaim. Now, I said this dramatically because I know how Steve is, and I know that he probably said more than he needed to when trying to set us up. I wasn't upset or bummed to the fact that he was married (with two kids) because I had already felt that he probably was married to begin with. (Most people going to school that are guys and my age are married - it's a given, why bother!) The "WHAT" that I exclaimed was because I wanted every detail of how Steve approached and asked Tutor Guy out. Steve could see my worry and hear my dramatics and said, "Now just calm yourself down, I didn't say anything." I said, "You better not have said anything to embarrass me because I have to use this tutoring center and I don't want it to be awkward every time I come here and he is working!!!!!!!!!" Steve say's, "All I said was, are you dating anyone cause I think you and Libby should go out." Tutor Guy then say's, "Well, actually I'm married and have two kids, but thanks!" "Good Hell A MIGHTY - that's embarrassing." I say. Steve then says, "It's not embarrassing, if anything it's flattering to Tutor Guy." Really, whatever! Don't worry I'm still using the tutoring center...I just found out when Tutor Guy works, and will avoid those hours at all cost!!!

Dilemma 2 - WhY cAn'T i Be a MoRmOn oN tHe InTeRneT?

I'm trying to be a good Mormon girl. Partially because I really don't have much else going for me... The church has become more and more digital in all it's doings. I have noticed a few people (family and friends) making these "Mormon Profiles." (I totally encourage you to make one if you haven't already - great missionary tool!) One day when I should have been doing chemistry I decided to make one of these "profiles." Wow - did I ever get distracted. It was so much fun looking up people and reading their testimonies. I'm going to admit this too, I also saw it as a way to find a love interest. Gag - who does stuff like that? ME! Seriously, play around with it awhile and you'll know what I'm talking about. SO, anyway, to get back on track with my long winded, sometimes no point story, I decided to make a profile. (You can see mine by clicking here, or if you look to the left on your computer screen you will see a circle with the words "I'm a Mormon." Click on that.) I make my profile and finish it up. However, the church, or whoever does this website needs to read over what you wrote and make sure it's legit and church approved. Mine was pending for over a week! Believe me I was starting to question! After a few days they told me I needed to change some things. SERIOUSLY! What you can do on this profile is add your Blog, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. I don't Tweet, so I figured I would add my Facebook and Blog accounts. Apparently they had read my blog and liked it, thought it was cute, fun, etc. However, they did not like my use of slang and "appearance of evil type" pictures. One in particular, my "drinking cream soda in Alaska" picture. They even had taken a quote from my blog to show me that either I change it or I don't add my blog. So, because I'm trying to be a good little Mormon girl immediately went to my blog and changed the wording under the picture of me drinking cream soda. Finally a week later the church published my profile and I am proud to say, once again, "I'm a Mormon!" And Proud of it YO's! So eat that! ;)

Dilemma 3 - (Not really a dilemma) RaNdOm StUfF aBoUt a BoOk AnD mOvIe....

I just finished reading "He's Just Not That Into You." I also just watched the movie, "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World." Although the movie, "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" took me two times to watch because I feel asleep during the first viewing. I rated it 4 stars on Netflix. Now how come I can't find a dude like Scott Pilgrim - total nerd who opposite the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" is really into you! Scott Pilgrim - fought for his woman, was "into" his woman, and really wanted his woman! Putting in a plug for this movie - I didn't think I was going to like this film, but I had so many people tell me that I would. Just so all you people out there know. I did like it. There was enough romance, hilarious one liners, good music, and pretty nifty special effects. I tried watching it with my Bro and the whole time he tried watching it he keep using the phrase, "what the hell are we watching?" That made me laugh quite a bit, like said, along with the hilarious one liners.

* "You once were a ve-gone, but now you will begone."
* "He punched the highlights out of her hair!"
And lastly,
* "If I peed my pants would you pretend that I just got wet from the rain?"

As for the book "He's Just Not That Into You" who would've ever thought that such a small, simple, kind of nutty book could teach me, a single gal, so much! Every chapter had a guy that I have dated. It's true, if he is married he's just not that into you! If he disappears on you, he's just not that into you! If he is a selfish jerk, a bully, or really big freak...well, he's just not that into you. And of course the basic, if he isn't asking you out, calling you, or dating you well DUH - HE'S REALLY NOT INTO YOU!!! To all my single peeps out there this book is a must read.

And so, my life is full and abundant, I still truly love being single. I really don't have it that bad off. With one last thought, I hope you, the reader, enjoyed my antics about dancing, dating, Mormon's, movies, and books.


MinDee said...

I love the "I'm a Mormon" status updates I get on fb. I read yours and love it! What a cute pic! Maybe someday they'll make a movie out of yours and post it on fb. wouldn't that be fun! I loved your dance story...I can't imagine 30-40 singles dance & oh, that cologne LOL :) Have fun with that calling!

Thayne and Jenny said...

Libby, I freaking love you! You are hilarious! This is what blogs are all about! I love all your life's srtories! :) -Jenny

Lisa said...

I'm glad you are not mad at me for not coming. I just couldn't make myself. I'm glad you had someone. And I am glad you hung out with us in between. It was a good time.

Miss Jessie said...

First of all what is this word: acquittance?
Really? I think you meant acquaintance. Sorry but that just made me laugh.
Your stories are always funny. I really think you should write a memoir about all of your adventures and funny stories.
I'm honestly surprised that you liked "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World" although it did have some great one liners. I think that I will have to borrow "He's just not that into you" over the summer. Maybe I'll read it on our road trip...
Don't worry I'm working on getting a Mormon profile going eventually.

Kate said...

Libby! I'm so glad you read "he's just not that into you"! Best thing I ever read while single. Helped my through many bad dates and breakups. Totally changes the way you look at guys behavior. Hope your doing well! Much love- Kate

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

I was feeling guilty for not reading your novel... I don't know why...

Mom's Sewing Vault said...

Libby, you're a nut and I love your stories. :) btw, if you're interested, my husband and kids are "on the market." Come on, ready-made family. I know you want them! j/k. Kind of.