I Just Can't Seem to Let it Go

Possibly by posting this blog I hope to find a little bit of relief, however, I think that I just need to get over this situation and move on. I can't seem to let this silly situation go.

Over the summer as I worked as a Tour Guide for Princess Rail a tiny situation happened that I was involved in. About a month before the train season was over I happened to get into this situation. This is what happened, we had just ended a tour of ten hours and had dropped off all the passengers. We still had to ride the train about 45 minutes to our "drop off" station where we, workers, would get off the train and stay the night in Denali National Park. Until we got off the train we would do our closing duties and then just chill until it was time for us to get off the train. On this particular day I wanted to go out on the caboose as we traveled through this very scenic and beautiful canyon. The colors were changing and I thought I could get some awesome photo's. As I was out taking some pictures a group of my co-workers came out to the same platform that I was on. Being on the caboose a lot of stuff could go on back there and nobody would know. In my case this group of co-workers came out to pass a bong of marijuana around. At first when they saw me out there they were skeptical, yet they just brushed it off. I, of course, voiced my opinion to these IDIOTS that they were not supposed to be doing this. I said, "Can't you wait fifteen more minutes until we are at our hotel?" Not that it's legal at the hotel, but it should definitely not be allowed at, or on work hours. They just brushed me off saying, "Libby, we can't smoke this at the hotel?" I then of course said, "Oh, and it's OKAY to smoke it on here?" I then turned and walked out. I tried not to let it get to me - it's their choice.

The next day is where I get caught up into the event even more. That morning we picked up our passengers to take them on their ten hour tour to the cruise ship. I had traded another tour guide for her bartender. This particular bartender and I had a great time working together, and we had a blast with the passengers. On arriving to the cruise ship we would go through a two mile tunnel. I would tell passengers that a favorite past time of mine was to yell as we would go through. My bartender and I decided to go down and show the passengers how it was done, we were down yelling for maybe 30 seconds. As we were getting ready to go back upstairs my "On Board Manager" caught us and ripped into me. He was not happy about what I had just done. My first priority was to go up and give closing instructions to the passengers, immediately when I finished I went back down to talk to my manager. He was TICKED, he just lent into me. Granted he had asked me before not to yell. I had told him that the passengers enjoy it, and I don't see anything wrong with it. Yes, I can see how he is the manager and he asked me not to do something, yet I still went and did it. I am at fault, I will admit that. But, he was unprofessional at yelling at me in front of a few of my fellow co-workers, so I decided to fight back, in doing so I apparently hit below the belt. I said, "You can sit here and yell at me for yelling off the platform so that I can get laughs from the passengers, but you let pot smoking and drinking on the job go on, on a daily basis!" He became furious! I was like - eat that!!! For the remainder of our shift he was short with all the other co-workers and very unyielding. When we finally got on our bus to drive back to Anchorage my manager got on the microphone on the bus to talk to all of us. He said, and not very professionally in my opinion, "It has been brought to my attention that a few of you have been smoking pot (he smokes pot himself, but is a tiny bit better, not doing it on the job - I know this because I have been at a BBQ with him and others, and watched as they passed the pipe around) if I hear, or catch any of you doing this then I will have to let the office know and they will have to let you go." Of course, after that was said, all eyes shot to me. I became MAD - that is not how the situation should have gone down. Immediately after returning to Anchorage I left the rail yard and had three days off. During those three days I continued to fume about the situation. My manager had tried to call me to let me know that he informed the office of the situation. I wasn't about to talk to him. I knew we only had a few more weeks left and I would just try to be a duck and let the situation roll off my back like water. Can I just say it was really hard for me, and obviously continues to be hard for me!

I finished the season, my Manager and I made amends, basically just to get us through the rest of our time together. Before the end of the season, and before this situation even happened I had made the decision that I didn't want to come back. I also knew from the previous summer that this tour guide gig would only be a two year thing. I wanted to do it a second year because I had the goal of driving to Alaska, and I wanted to put all the information/learning to use that I had learned the previous summer as a tour guide. HOWEVER, the thing that I am most upset about is that I found out a few months back that I am no longer hireable to work on the trains in any position. I don't know what got put into my managers report the day the pot smoking went on, but whatever was said was enough not to hire me back. It hurts my feelings because I was a good worker, I loved my job, and never drank or smoked pot on the job, nor have I ever! I am finding out more and more all these people who are going back to work for the summer and am appalled because it's my pot smoking co-workers. This just does not seem fair, and it leaves me with feelings that I just can't seem to let it go.

Part of me wants to write a letter to the corporate offices explaining what happened, what is going on during work hours, and basically my side of the story. The other part of me tells me that I should just let it go since I had made the decision that this gig was only a two year thing. I don't know what to do. Some day's I don't even think about it, and other days it is on my mind all day and it makes me upset and frustrated. I don't know what to do. Please vote, or give me some sort of inspirational comment.